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Sunday, November 28, 2010

Grievances of Facebook

Facebook is AWESOME. But that doesn't mean it doesn't have any cons or annoyances. Here is a list of my grievances in order of how much I hate them from least to greatest:

- FarmVille posts
I play FV regularly, so I really don't mind at all, while others FREAK OUT over them and make every effort to make sure they never see the posts again otherwise they go apeshit.

- Quiz results
There are many quizzes hovering around in FB. I don't mind much either. It's actually kind of fun to see what results YOU might get.

- People who post stuff on your wall
The particular stuff I'm talking about is those "Yes/No" or question apps. Sometimes, those things get on my nerves.

- People who post YouTube videos all the time
WHY POST A YOUTUBE VIDEO IF YOU DIDN'T MAKE IT?!?! It makes no fucking sense. Just send all your friends a private message with the link instead of letting me see various songs I don't really care about and Justin Bieber ALL OVER my news feed.

- People who make famous (philosophical) quotes as their statuses.
Doing that does not get attention!! It doesn't make you look all fancy or smart. Sometimes, the quote doesn't even match who you are. So stop it.

- People who put lyrics of a song I never heard before as their status
Don't get me started. Here's what it basically is: "[song]heartheartheartheart".

- Those like websites
I posted about this before. Let me just say it again. THOSE WEBSITES ARE FUCKING STUPID. All it does is clog up my news feed about how "[Name] Likes 22 items on [heart symbol] and 63 similar stories". Some people have four five six SEVEN times more likes than everything else they've ever done, combined.

- Pointless statuses
Saying "Blah" or "Mehhhh" doesn't mean anything to me other than "BEEP BEEP NEWS FEED JUNK ALERT!!! BEEP BEEP"

- People who can't decide on a relationship status
"Married", "Engaged", "In a relationship", "It's complicated"...
PICK ONE!!!

- Notifications that have nothing to do with me
I don't need to get 37 notifications because I liked something and people began arguing in the comments section of it and EVERY SINGLE thing they say goes to my notifications. So it's like this: I like a picture of a person. Then someone says something irrelevant about the color orange that goes into my notifications AND starts a fight. So for the next 48 hours, every single thing they say goes to me also.

- Heart attack
No, not the health problem "heart attack". I mean seeing hearts after every sentence or word in statuses. Or just hearts. My news feed is like this now: "Yay going to the mall!!!!!heartheartheart" or "[famous quote]heartheartheart".

- People who tag me in pictures or videos
The only problem is, I'M NEVER IN THE PICTURE OR VIDEO!! Why am I tagged as a cloud with 137 other people tagged around me?!

- Annoying apps/events
I'm talking about those "Horrible accident", "This girl killed herself after seeing what her dad posted to her wall", "Sad story", etc. apps and events. IF I HAVE TO SEE ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE, I WILL FUCKING EXPLODE. All they do is post stuff to your wall without permission, leading your friends to do the same. It's a vicious loop. They also make you have to take surveys and quizzes that just triple your cell phone bill because you just had to subscribe to a stupid IQ quiz to see dead people.

- Even more annoying apps/events
These are the ones where you "get to see who's been viewing your profile" or "see who's been viewing your pictures". These are FAKE. They don't work or do anything good. Same as above, they make you take STUPID surveys and quizzes so you can triple your phone bill. If it isn't like that, it brings you to a picture of a website and and a "Connect to Facebook" button and the URL is very suspicious. This is the one-way ticket to getting hacked.

I will keep adding to this as things come along. Meanwhile, CHEESECAKE!

Saturday, November 27, 2010

IWASHIGHLASTNIGHT

No, not really. But I'm really good at pretending to be. !!!ICECREAM!!!




As the night progressed, I slowly descended into psychological chaos. I decided to try and draw a tree for NO reason at all.

I tried to draw a tree, but this happened.

2nd attempt at drawing a tree.

I gave up and tried to draw a fractal instead.

Fail. But being high allows you to draw photo-realistically!

Since I was "high", familiar objects became unfamiliar. I found a "OMGOMGITSABOX" lying on the floor. I saw a red button. I pushed it. It's safe to say that was a mistake.




The beeping set me off. I turned into a manic, right after scribbling on the wall behind me.

Then familiar sounds became unfamiliar, too.


Just like the box, the incessant dinging threw me into insanity.

The only words I could think of were:


After that "episode", I calmed down and found where the dinging was from. And our couch ended up in the toilet.


My sister.


I short-circuited again.



I calmed down again after 36 minutes.


At this point, the highness was wearing off. And my sister drew a crappy rainbow on the wall.




This video sums it all up. A lot of chaos and confusion, then you go right back where you started.


Wednesday, November 24, 2010

WHAT HAPPENED TO MY FRIENDS?!?!

You've all heard of the new Halo Reach and Call of Duty: Black Ops games. If you haven't, then YOU'RE A HOBO WHO EATS FRUITCAKES AND APPLE SAUCE!!


These two games are ruining me and all the girls. Before either game came out, me and my friends would always talk about things I have interest in and have a good laugh and go like "DAAAAHHHHHHWAAAWAWAAHAHW" to random people. Now, all my friends are away in little clusters discussing how they "pwned" someone and got a "killstreak" instead of screaming randomly at people with me. I THINK I AM THE ONLY BOY LEFT WHO DOESN'T HAVE ANY INTEREST IN THESE GAMES AND DOESN'T PLAN TO, which means MY girl wouldn't be so lonely as the others. And being the rare individual who doesn't play either game and doesn't plan to, I seem even more unusual, as if I wasn't unusual enough to begin with and I should start playing these games to "fit in". NO. I HAVE A LIFE.

And as I mentioned with all the boys away in their little "meetings", the girls are too lonely. I feel bad for them.



Saturday, November 20, 2010

The nerdy pyromanic boy who eats too much

Middle school was filled with weird kids, not just the one who disrupts my classes. This one I will discuss today is one in my eighth grade 2nd period science class. He would arrive in class and immediately take out a bulging paper bag from his backpack and pull out various foods. He would lay the food across his table and just spend the whole class eating while everyone works, as if it was some kind of dining room at home. But it isn't. It's a science class.


Of course, the teacher isn't happy about his student just dilly-dallying in and eating in front of everyone like this is his home.




The problem is this. He ate a HUGE breakfast less than 2 hours ago and is already starving again. He thinks it's because of puberty. But I didn't think so. His body and voice is still developing. He is short. He has NO facial hair at all. He thinks about "little boy" stuff. And yet he consumes food nonstop and doesn't gain an ounce. No exercise either. WHY?!

Then he hides in the corner eating a cookie after getting in trouble.


So about the "little boy" stuff. It isn't exactly little boy stuff, but that is the only term I could come up with, so deal with that.

His mind is all about explosions, fire, destruction, weapons, coconuts, blood, dead stick figures, fighter jets, guns, sharks, bombs, etc.



He also draws violent war scenes on the back of every test, quiz, homework assignment, and handout he is given.


He is also what some would call a "pyro", meaning pyromaniac. Pyro is Latin for "fire" and we all know what a maniac is. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_pyromaniac) <<< The perfect Wikipedia article. It's like they have everything. EVERYTHING.

Pyros like making explosions or blowing things up or setting stuff on fire for pure joy.


His parents also let him play with a flamethrower during the summer.


THE END?

>>> UPDATE!!! <<<

Notice the question mark after "THE END"? I did that because I forgot something that I was gonna include in the post when I was writing it for the first time. I tried to remember but still couldn't after 5 minutes. So I published the post. Now I remember what it was.

The pyro boy liked science class not just because it's his dining room. It was physical science, meaning we would do experiments involving fire and bunsen burners. When an experiment involving fire does come around, I am always in his group. What the teacher does is let us make our own groups. The pyro boy puts me in his group along with some other nerds (not the candy nerds) because I didn't hate him. Yet. Then he would completely take over the group. Instead of doing the proper lab procedures, he would go insane and burn everything that isn't the building or furniture. Or the teacher.

The calorimeter experiment

This one is where we burn various food using matches to estimate their calorie content. We were supposed to burn only two of each item, one at a time. Pyro boy sneaked up to the front of the class where all of the food (which wasn't meant for eating) is kept. He ate half of everything anyways then took almost all of the rest back and burned the whole thing at once. As it burned, he was hypnotized by it. The resulting fireball caused panic and alarm. Fortunately, it didn't cause fire alarm. Then he burnt every match. The next day, he was going on and on about the how awesome the fireball was that singed my hair and I didn't give a damn about what he had to yap on about.

Gas in a 10 gallon jug

This wasn't an experiment, but the teacher demonstrated this at the beginning of the year. He got an empty 10 gallon water jug, filled it with gas, and dropped a match in to show how the gas makes a blue flame and a jet of fire coming out of the top. Pyro boy begged him to do it again over and over, for the rest of the period.

Sugar to caramel

We did this one to demonstrate heat-induced chemical changes. We had a candle, some tinfoil, and a spoonful of sugar. Pyro boy ate several ounces of the sugar supply, became hyper, and proceeded to burn the rest of it tar-black. Then he let the candle burn all the way down while putting paper scraps, matches, and pencil shavings in it.

Ionic compound solution vapor

This one went like this: we would have a metal hook, we would make the hook red-hot in the flame, dip the hook in an ionic compound solution, let the vapor go into the 6 inch flame, and record the color. The color indicated the elements in the compound. Pyro boy kept on putting paper scraps in the flame instead. Then he knocked over 3 bowls of solutions.

All that is why I failed every science lab involving fire; pyro boy does everything himself, but he doesn't pass either because of his improper procedures.

Monday, November 15, 2010

The lemonade/junk stand.

A few months ago, I made a post about those overly-ambitious little kids who go door-to-door selling whatever they can find to try and make money so they can take over the world. However, I don't recall writing about their little stand where they sell other stuff. So I made this post about that.

First off, I will show you, from an aerial view, where their stand usually is.

Click to view better. Red box is where the stand usually is.

At 7 AM is usually when they open. The main thing they sell is lemonade. That's ok. But then they also sell whatever they can find, like when they go door-to-door. A list of junk they have sold so far: seashells, flower petals, chips, popcorn, cheese, crackers, candy, paper clips, sunflower seeds, leaves, stickers, and whatever they find in the trash can. The ridiculous part is how they price things. Their sense of money is still not developed completely. I have seen them selling cookies for TWO DOLLARS each and muffins for SIX FUCKING DOLLARS each! In fact, I don't think they have developed ANY sense of money.

Then the way they price things is not consistent. There is no set price for every individual item. The "saleskid" assigns a price randomly to each item sold. So some kid goes up eventually and buys a seashell for $5 instead of 5¢. They don't have sense of money either. Then the saleskids cannot make change. By the time the next customer comes after 2 hours, the price of each individual item has changed, randomly.

Basically, it goes like this:

KID: um.. um... can I have a seashell?
SALESKID: yea! pick one!
KID: *picks broken, tiny shell*
SALESKID: hmmm.... that one is.... um.... FIVE CENTS!
KID: *runs home and brings back a $5 bill instead*
SALESKID: THANK YOU!!!!

Next customer:

KID2: i heard u had seashell!
SALESKID: yup! pick one!
KID2: *picks broken, tiny shell*
SALESKID: hmmm.... *awkward 14-second silence* 15 CENTS!
KID2: OMG THAT EXPENSIVE! *gives $1 bill*
SALESKID: .......
KID2: *runs home with shell*

By the time the saleskids' mom came out, she was astounded by the stack of dollar bills they had. There was no way they could've made so much! She got mad and told them to bring all the extra money back to their customers immediately, but they had forgotten who their customers were, and the customers left anyways. So now she has to deal with ANOTHER burden of knowing her kids are cheating people for their money, and that they have extra money laying around that has been earned wrongly.

Another way they price things is when they sell stuff like chips or popcorn or other things that come in large amounts in bags. Instead of doing "$10 A BAG!!!" (something they would do if they priced by bag), they would do "25¢ FOR A CHIP!!!!!!" and "10¢ FOR A POPCORN!!!!!" Nobody will buy only one chip and give you a quarter. Nobody will buy only one popcorn and give you a dime, either. IDIOTS.

Another stupid thing is how they advertise their stand. I have seen papers taped to neighbor's doors mentioning their stand with their address scribbled incoherently. I have seen signs posted at every corner of the neighborhood pointing to where their stand is. Those signs have even spread out to our main road, Poway road. They are popping up at every corner and I even saw one near the interstate 15 highway exit. Guess how many customers they attracted? TWO. That's their mom and their cat.

When I got off the bus today, I saw this when I was halfway home.


Then as I walked into the neighborhood, I saw the kids already sitting there on the other side of the street  selling chips. They come home from school 3 hours early every day this week. They stared at me like their eyes were emitting tractor beams to try and drag me in to buy a stale chip. I walked faster and went inside. Then I wrote this post.

THE END.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Little kids can be thieves!

This post is brought to you by: The Random Word Generator (Generated word was "thief".)

One example of thieving little kids is when a very jealous girl (because she doesn't have nice things) of age 7 trespassed into her neighbor's house and stole dozens of toys. The girl seemed to be home alone that day. The only person in the neighbor's house at the time was a 10 year old whose parents were also out that day. I witnessed everything, but it had nothing to do with me directly.

The boy went outside to get the mail and left the door slightly open. He didn't want to get locked out. As soon as he was out of sight, I could see the girl who was already peering out her second-story window suddenly disappear and pop out her front door.


She then proceeded to dash towards his house and creep along the side.


She slid inside without even moving the door like she wanted to leave no evidence except for her scent trail and missing toys. She came out in 15 seconds holding a mountain of things, all things that she would want. How could've she found EVERYTHING she ever wanted in 15 seconds? It's like she has trespassed inside before to do some scouting and see what she could grab, but didn't take anything YET. As a matter of fact, I did indeed see her near his house an hour before.


She looked like this when coming out. She was struggling with many things but got everything into her house very quickly. I hate skilled little kids.

The next day, I saw the boy storm out of his house looking pissed as hell. He went up to the girl's house and knocked loudly on the door. Fortunately, her parents were home at the time. Normally, she would not answer the door and behave very rudely if her parents weren't home. If she did answer, she would spit all over you then say "NO!" and slam the door, no matter who was at the door. This is what I think was happening before he knocked on the door.

Playing calmly.

Then...

Her "OH SHIT!" face.


Who wouldn't notice a huge lump in the rug? Blind people. Anyways, she got in huge trouble and I haven't seen or heard her since.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Another theft involved incident about a year ago affected me AND my sister.

I was in middle school at the time. My school had this little place where you could buy those Japanese erasers. My sister likes Japanese stuff, because they're "cute and colorful". And sometimes fishy. I bought an eraser for a dollar each if she didn't irritate me the day before and gave it to her when I got home. She accumulated over 40 by the time the theft happened. Those were all her favorites.

She was outside showing them to a friend that day. I was there too. Then this little girl came up to us out of nowhere and asked if she could count them. This girl is the evil one that lives next to me and looks like a "peachy-pie angel" on the outside, but is the devil inside. My sister, being the dumb girl she is, allowed her to count them. WHY WOULD YOU LET SOMEONE RANDOMLY COUNT YOUR VALUABLES? IT'S SUCH A SUSPICIOUS QUESTION! As she was counting them, I noticed a very large box shaped lump in her pocket. I asked her what it was and she said, "It's daddy's cell phone. Go away!" YOU GO THE FUCK AWAY, BITCH! Don't talk to your superiors like that! And if it is a cell phone, why do YOU have it? It's daddy's!

Problem is, cell phones are NEVER 3 inches thick!

Then somehow, she put all her favorites into the "cell phone" without me seeing and teleported the "cell phone" into her house, without me seeing!

Soon, my sister realized that some were missing. There was only about 20 left. The ones that disappeared were ALL the hamsters, ALL the fruits, ALL the sweets, and ALL the pink ones. Coincidence? I THINK NO. And how could so many erasers suddenly vanish into nowhere without us knowing? We all spread out searching. The evil girl even offered to help search in the most polite voice. She quickly exclaimed, "The hamsters are gone!!!" as if to seem even more innocent. Then, I assume she waited for us to move farther away to search so she could take even more.

After a while, my sister burst out in tears and I took her home. I heard the evil girl mutter "Stupid crybaby" and run inside.

Finally, we admitted to ourselves that she had to have took them in a very ninja-like way and we went to tell our dad. He was pissed.

His exact words.

Finally, we got devil-girl to confess and she submissively brought us every eraser but the strawberry, as we found out that night. We assumed her disgusting friend ate it by then.



P.S.: It turned out her disgusting friend didn't eat it. Several months later, we were at their house for a St. Patrick's Day party. The kids were playing wildly in the backyard and I was poking though a random open box filled with plastic toys. Then, right there at the bottom of the box, was the long lost strawberry, completely unscathed. I was bewildered and rushed it to my sister. We both grinned and ran home. Talk about lucky!

THE END! :D

Sunday, November 7, 2010

I'm SO sorry I cannot live up to your expectations!

Today, I received a comment saying, "Stop posting shit about stuff we don't care about, you nigger!!!" First, lemme tell you that all comments go to my email first so I can moderate them. In fact, the comment box should say, "Your comment is awaiting approval." Do you seriously think that I will actually approve it? I don't even approve of your face. It is probably covered in ketchup/mayonnaise and soil, even though I've never seen it. Anyways, I deleted your comment.


Did you seriously think I would say, "Oops! Sorry. I didn't know about your lame expectations. I'll just drop off everything and go live up to your every whim, and maybe feed you a cookie." IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT.

So guess what, "Anonymous"? I DREW YOU A PICTURE!!!!


Since you don't like my "shit", what do you think of this? It doesn't look like shit. (The poop kind anyways.) It isn't even the usual stuff I post, which is the other kind of shit to you. In fact, I think this is my first scribble I've ever posted.

I considered putting some red in it, but then I said to myself, "Fuck. He doesn't deserve red. He probably already has enough UP HIS ASS from the stab wounds I gave him." But then I thought I would make a drawing composed of ONLY red and lighter reds, for the good people.


Then I though to myself, "Wait, if he is reading this, then he still got the red he doesn't deserve!" So...

I MADE YOU ANOTHER PICTURE!!!!


Now what? Yeah, I win.

HOLY CRAP, RED!!! :D


Yes, this post IS in fact loosely based on Allie Brosh's post about being drunk. YOU STALKER.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

I am not a typical Asian.

Typical Asian:

- Spends ENTIRE day studying
- All classes AP
- Upon arriving home at 5PM (stayed after school studying), disappears into his/her room and does homework then studies until 4 AM
- Rarely interacts socially with people of other races
- Stays in library during lunch crunching away at homework
- Doesn't understand my randomness and humor
- Has psychological meltdowns when finding out he/she got a 98% on a very small quiz
- Maintains constant grades of A-plus's
- If he/she does have a Facebook account, almost all posts are complaining about school or talking about something "smart" and always ended with a smiley, such as: -____- or O________O or X__X or ^ ____ ^ or U__U or T_T or some sort of ASCII art. (Example 1: Did you guys know that the thing in Mr. Buttburn's class was HOMEOWRK??? O________O) (Example 2: Going to science festival! ^ - ^)
- They tend to hate me, "cuz im too non-Asian."
- Conversations with them always somehow veer into a subject involving schoolwork.
- Freaks out up to 2 weeks in advance of any test or quiz

Me:

- Spends some time studying
- No classes AP
- Arrives home at normal time and relaxes
- Always interacts socially with people of other races
- Eats food and screams with/at friends during lunch
- Very random yet funny to people who understand me. 500 PIZZAS!!! :D
- Doesn't freak over even a 90%.
- Grades not all A-plus's
- Posts other stuff on Facebook and sometimes uses "simple" smileys (Example 1: I LIKE PEACHES!) (Example 2: New post! :D >>> http://this-irritates-me.blogspot.com/2010/11/i-am-not-typical-asian.html)
- Hates haters
- Conversations generally normal and random
- Doesn't freak over tiny quizzes and studies for them normally in class

Monday, November 1, 2010

Pedocat

I've noticed that my rabbit has been losing weight recently and seems to have diarrhea. She is terribly skinny. And now we finally know why. I just discovered that a cat has been scaring her for the past I-don't-know-how-many weeks. A CAT. A NO GOOD CAT!! I FRIGGIN' HATE CATS!!!!

This is what happened:

The cat sneaks into our backyard because his owners cannot keep him inside for some reason. What intrigues me is how the cat figured out we have a rabbit in the first place. Creeper. He slowly makes his way toward the rabbit den. Our rabbit den is safe and secured with bricks, cinder blocks, and concrete tiles. However, just the sight of the cat traumatizes the rabbit. She refuses to come out to eat, and therefore is skinnier than a leaf. She just quivers in the cage.



Here you see how I portray the "pedocat":


I tried drawing a rabbit several times but each time it looked ugly. So I made a before and after CHART instead of rabbit pictures.



Send this feline to the cat house for all I care. He would like it there.